Permanent Black (3)

22Feb13

“Did you know they had a list? It had all of these girls’ names on it.” Faith’s voice floats like bright balloons. In my mind, I see Brad against the backdrop of her words. I see his shy smiles, downward glances, shaggy hair. That was back when crushes made my eyes too wide and my pulse dance. I remember junior high: The taste of cheap beer and cigarettes. Clumsy, inexperienced hands. Stupid words. Scrambling and screwing on hard pull out sofas, leaky water-bed, front seats, back seats of stolen cars at midnight.

“They had a bunch of names on it. You were on it,” Faith says. She draws out the words for effect, punctuates it with drama. I trace the memory of his face with my finger against my bedspread, try to smooth out the lines against the polyester ripples of blue. It won’t come, just a blur of steel-blue bunching up against my tight fists. I bite my lip until it hurts, holding back curiosity like a dam waiting for the river to bust through its cracks. A sad and swollen river of questions with no answers, just a gossipy girl teasing out sound bites on a mundane weekday. She doesn’t know shit.

She can’t know. But he does, so I ask him in my head, across county lines, in between cement cracks and steel bars what happened. I ask him to show me, to take me on the journey, the maddening crack, crush of hands against fragile flesh until life no longer pulses, sparkles in baby blue eyes. But he says nothing. Just closes his eyes, trailing impossibly long lashes against my questions.

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6 Responses to “Permanent Black (3)”

  1. 1 pinklightsabre

    Creepy. I really like a lot of the word choices…the inexperienced hands was nice. I’m eager (in a rubber-neck kind of way) to read what’s next, Lennon!

  2. Wow. This is incredible. You are one of my favorite writers, its official 🙂

  3. I was going to post in the one before this, however now I’m torn: which ending paragraph gave me the most chills? I don’t comment often but Lennon, holy shit this stuff is good!


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