Oh, What a Card!

08Jul13

I know it’s time to write when I hear the narration in my head.  You know, the one that never stops, a steady stream of words and ideas like you are in a black-and-white movie and there’s a smoky, dreamy voice-over that tells the viewer all your innermost thoughts? The ones you usually file away under “insane” and “awkward” and “god-i-hope-no-one-knows-i-ever-thought-that!”

I try, as much as possible, to not filter those thoughts and spill them out on paper (or in this case, on-line) because it’s easy to hide behind smiles and handshakes and “oh, I’m fine” when the opposite is true.  Usually, it’s a mix of “Having a Nervous Breakdown” and “Having a Brilliant Idea” sort of thing.  But that’s often difficult to explain in everyday conversation or when you are in line at the coffee shop.

I browse other blogs and am envious at their humor, notice all the “likes” and comments, and friendly, flirty banter.  I want to be funny.  I want people to say, “Oh, that Lennon Sundance. She’s a card. A riot.  I should really tell the world to check out her site and follow her like a religious leader and push to get her book published…”

Instead, I struggle with maintaining focus and reliability and consistency in my posts.  Like any good Bipolar, I have only a few speeds.  Mainly – “I can’t bear to brush my teeth” or “I’m a freaking a genius, let’s tear down some walls and decoupage the floor with flower cut-outs from Better Homes and Gardens.”

If you haven’t guessed it, today I have sharp scissors in hand.

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5 Responses to “Oh, What a Card!”

  1. 1 Candace Winch

    Bi-polar or not I think it’s sort of a state of grace to question your inner dialog, mine usually has me thinking I’m some sort of genius. Maybe you ate or drank something that has upped the anti today. You know most women reach an age that when they talk about ‘being bad’ they aren’t talking about sex, drugs or rock and roll anymore, they’re talking about something they ate or bought. So maybe the half empty nest, the birthday or just the swamp weather has you treading water. That’s enough for any girl, trust me. Hold on, keep paddling. You’re not alone, besides, it could give you a sexy gravel to your voice, you know the one that’s one the page.

  2. I know exactly what you mean. At least I’m pretty sure I know. I would love to be witty and always have that unique way of saying anything. It isn’t going to happen though. It may all be right there in my head, but because of short term memory loss, half of what I want to write in my blog goes out to that other galaxy light years away. It does eventually return here to Earth, but by that time, the post had been live for at least two day.

    • Me, too. I get an idea while driving, only to have it slip away when the chaos of chores and kids and bills come crashing down when I open the door.

  3. I love ALL of your posts. You are dear.

  4. 5 sincerelymargaret

    Oh my lord, I’ve missed your posts. This is, under a new name, Ms. Books, back from the dead. I once again have found you speaking to exactly what is pounding through my mind. Fantastic!

    I’m catching up on your posts now, but I wanted to let you know that I am back, but under a new name (obviously). Long story very, very, short, I felt the need to reclaim my anonymity after I thoughtlessly leaked my blog all over the place. I also felt the need to reclaim my pen. I’m having that “must write now!” urge, hopefully it stays for a while.

    Check it out if you have a moment, it’s just starting up, and completely different, but I’d love to hear from you. Either way, I’ll be reading.

    – Ms Books (Aka: Margaret)


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